Today, something inspired me to look through my old high school yearbooks. All 4 of them, and read what people had written to me and look back through pictures.
It really made me realize how far I've come in life, and I didn't realize it today.
I never liked high school, and it was bittersweet on that last day when I knew I wasn't going back. I'm one who has to have a routine and I think that's what made me sad, as silly as that may sound. But I knew that summer would come and summer would go, and that I wouldn't start up at school again, with the same people I had for the past few years, some since elementary school. No conversations of how was your summer, it's been so long, great to see you. That wouldn't happen again.
I didn't feel well liked through out my high school days, and looking back reading what people signed, I really realized how cruel teenagers can be. From calling me fat ass to cursing at me in Spanish. Then I read over the comments of people, if I ran into them today, wouldn't give me the time of day or even remember who I am. I can't stand when people are fake. You're such a great girl, so glad we had class together, blah blah blah. When none of it meant anything.
Back then those comments would hurt my feelings, and still today they would. However, I've come to realize if people can't show me the same respect I show them, they aren't worth my time. That half the friends I had back then weren't really friends to begin with, we just put on a show everyday.
Today I look at my friends, and I can tell who is really a good friend, who shows they care on a regular basis, not just when it's convenient for them. Over the past few years, these real friends have surfaced, and I couldn't be happier about it.
The people in my life now, are people I'm happy to have in my life, people who I care for as if they are family. I know they'll never talk about me behind my back, we joke together instead of them making jokes about me. It's a totally different experience now than it was back then.
Today I wondered, what would have happened had I known all these people back then? One of them went to school with me, but was a couple years ahead. Never once do I recall seeing him, having class with him, or even hearing his name. And now we have a special bond. Another I knew back then, but we never really talked, didn't like each other much. Today he is like my big brother, and I know he has my back. My husband is the last. I did know him back then, but when I met him is when things started to change, when I started caring less how others felt towards me and when I realized I could have friends that could actually last longer than a year.
But if I knew all of these people back then, as well as I do know, where would I be? Things would be different now. Maybe I wouldn't have married my husband. I could be a totally different person than who I am today. So despite all the cruelty that I faced in high school, how much I despised going there day in and day out, I wouldn't be who I am today, if I hadn't gone through all of that.
Now I'm blessed enough to have friends that I can count on for anything. It's not about the quantity of friends you have, but the quality. And if I do say so myself, I've got some pretty damn good people in my life.
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