Lately life has just been hectic. I knew that working and going to school was going to be a difficult task, but I was bound to make it work. And I'm still pushing forward, but ever since my schedule changed in the last 3 weeks, giving me no single day off between work and school I've felt like a total zombie. I'm on day 22 of not having a full day off, and hopefully a week from today I'll get that day off. I'm standing my ground and putting my foot down, no longer will I work on Sundays. Sundays were my day to keep me sane, to catch up on housework, to do a little studying, and just spend some time with my husband, who at times I feel is a stranger I don't get to see him as much. I'm typically such a push over, and will look past what's best for me at times, but that is changing now. And tomorrow I'll see just how strong and grounded I can be when it comes to the matter.
Today when I got home my husband and his friend were just hanging out. We all decided to go to lunch together, then went to a few stores to try and find myself a new purse. We went to malls we typically don't go to, and just enjoyed the rides there. With the music turned up, good conversation, funny jokes, and good people, it really made for a great afternoon. We were gone for 4 hours. Could I have gotten alot accomplished in that time frame had I been home? Probably. The house could have been a little cleaner, I could have felt a little more prepared for my finals coming up, and maybe the laundry pile wouldn't be so high, but those things can wait. I'm on my self journey learning how to balance work and fun, and I'm bound to get it down at some point, and today was a step forward.
I don't always have to be serious and responsible. I can break loose mentally and just forget all the 'to-do lists' I have running through my brain. I don't need a bunch of girlfriends to have a good time, or even go shopping with. As much as it would be nice to have girl talk and say oh that is cute, sometimes it just doesn't pan out that way. I have never been one to have a lot of girlfriends, the friendships just don't seem to last for whatever reason. I've always gotten along better with guys, and even though at times I feel down because I don't have many girlfriends, I am starting to realize that that's OKAY. I have a blast with my husband and his friends. And while they are his friends, I feel a few select of them are my friends as well. If my husband were to be gone, and I had no one else to call and needed help, I'd feel comfortable calling them. We can all sit around and joke with each other, even though at this time I'm still trying to realize that they pick on me playfully and I don't need to get upset about it (even though I have gotten alot better over the years).
Last night and today have been about the little things in life to me. The hug that comes out of nowhere from a good friend, the sweet soft touches by your husband when deep down you aren't feeling 100% and he knows it but doesn't need to say anything, that simple touch just says I'm here, it will all be okay, and I love you. Late night runs to the movie store. Driving all over town on the search for a simple thing. Playing music loud and taking in the world around you. I don't think I take enough time to smell the roses and I hope to start doing that a lot more. Just in the past two days these little things have brightened my spirit, as I've been feeling down a lot.
Slowly I'll learn the lessons I'm suppsosed to, about how to relax and not always be so busy with life, that I ignore all the little things that could actually make my days better.
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