Guys Vs Girls

Growing up I was always envious of my sister. She always had a group of girlfriends to hang out with, have over, go to the mall with, anything you could think of she had someone to join her.

I struggled throughout my childhood and teen years trying to find that sort of female companionship. Every time I thought I found something worth holding on to, something would happen and it would all come crumbling down. I just never understood why I couldn't be like my sister.

My mom always told me that it was okay that I didn't get along with girls. And told me that while growing up, she hung out with guys 99% of the time, and that that was okay. While I listened to what she said (repeatedly) I never really heard her.

I'm now starting to undestand, and it's helping me feel more at ease with the relationships/friendships that I currently have.

I can not recall the last time I hung out with a girlfriend. Like actually walked around the mall, went and grabbed a Starbucks, hung out at the house, nothing like that. I honestly think it's been about a year.

Before school started, I constantly thought about the fact that I had virtually zero friends to hang out with and it really bummed me out. Then school started and it didn't really bug me all that much considering I didn't have the time to hang out with people.

And now I'm realizing that I've had friends all along, they were just of the male species. These guys have been there to support me through school, joke with me, make me laugh if I need it (even if they don't know I need to), and hang out with.

I think within past month I've actually hung out with people I consider my friends, at least 5 times. Most people may think that isn't a big deal, but to me it is. I have had so much fun this past month, and have felt so free it's unbelievable. Currently I have been up for 42 hours, with a 30 minute nap. Never in a million years would I have pulled an all nighter when I had to work the next day, let alone work 10 hours. But I did and I do not regret it one bit. It was a great night. I laughed alot, and feel like I learned alot.

It's hard to explain, and I'm not going into huge detail here, because honestly it would be all jumbled up and go on and on for pages and pages.

The main thing I've learned is, I don't need to have girlfriends to hang out with. I have a great support system via virtual friends, who have provided more support than people in my own town. That I do like hanging out with the guys more, and that that is really okay. We can laugh, create inside jokes, and build friendships that I've been so desperately looking for the past 21 years. I finally feel at peace with my relationships/friendships that I've found.